My Abortion Story

"I DID NOT WRITE THIS ARTICLE TO ENCOURAGE ABORTION, IF YOU ARE HAVING THE SAME SITUATION RIGHT NOW, I HOPE YOU MAKE A BETTER DECISION."

DON'T WASTE YOUR MONEY ON FAKE PILLS ON THE INTERNET.

"It happened September 2014. My long-time boyfriend invited me to their family event. After that we went to the mall, sneaked out, then did it. It was unplanned. "

We are in a long distance relationship. Not very far from Manila but his financial status hindered us from seeing each other often. We're lucky if we see each other once a month. This situation of us made us miss each other very much that's why (you know).

Few days after we did it, I had thick "white mens." I wasn't bothered that much thinking it was just white mens although the texture is really different. Little did I know that I was already ovulating. (Read here)

It happened September 2014. My long-time boyfriend invited me to their family event. After that we went to the mall, sneaked out, then did it. It was UNPLANNED. Since it was unplanned, I took the so called "morning after pill" to prevent getting pregnant. As said in the internet, I took 4 caps then another 4 after 12 hours. I felt nauseous as usual. It is not the first time I took this.

The PILL (Nordette) did not work.

Before I found out I was pregnant, there were many days of stress, fear, anxiousness, disbelief, everything! I was crazily hoping that my mens will soon come. I didn't worry too much in the beginning because I  have irregular cycle but it came to a point that I already know to myself that something was wrong, that the delay is too much.

It came to a point that I told my self I have to end this stress. I can no longer sleep during those times because of too much worrying. I finally had the courage to buy my self a pregnancy test. I cried and prayed hard the night before I did the test. Prayed to God to please give me a negative, so I won't have to do anything worse.

POSITIVE. My life crumbled into pieces as I stared to the kit hopelessly. Asking myself why? The feeling was surreal. I cried a lake. I am officially carrying a life within me.

I told my boyfriend the result. He was as stressed as I am. I was really really sad and hurt. The decision to keep or not to keep our child has to be made the soonest - and it will solely be my call. He loves me, and will not leave me no matter what. He do not want to abort our child, he didn't instruct me to do anything. He was just waiting for my decision, ready to support me despite his financial issues. Sadly, even before I took that test, I already have a decision. I CAN'T.

We were both graduating during that time. I'm already there. In just a few months, i'll be done, I can't stop. My family has already planned a gallant party and invited many relatives from here and abroad. I CANNOT FAIL MY PARENTS. I really can't. I can just imagine what heartbreak they will have if I break this to them after all the bragging they made about me.

Another thing is that, it was really unplanned. I love kids but I still don't want to have one. I don't have a job yet, I don't have savings yet. I don't want to bring a child to this world just to be a heavier burden to my family. Even though we are well of, I wouldn't do such. I know my parents, they will hate me, curse me (who wouldn't?), and I don't want to carry my child with all that negativity around.

BAD LUCK. The pill didn't work that is why I got pregnant. Everything was just so wrong. If I were to have a child, I wouldn't want this to be the reason.

After the test, I still kinda hope the result was wrong so I went to an OB-Gyne to have an ultrasound. Then poof! Yes, there was my tadpole. It's really very official i'm pregnant and I won't keep it. So what's next? I have to have a solution the soonest.

I browsed that internet. Tons of abortion stories, threads, etc. Learned that there are 2 types of abortion, by medicine and by surgery. Of course I preferred the one by medicine. I searched for sellers  and found this site. It looks legit. Unlike those sellers in threads where they are accusing each other as scammers.

BE WARNED, I BOUGHT A FAKE PILL from that site. It cost me 4995 for 1 kit if I remember it right. It was sent to me in a sealed bottle of a supplement. I prepared pain relievers before the night i planned to take it. "Bahala na si God," told myself.

I didn't feel the "moderate to very painful cramps" as said on the websites. I had hot flushes (like fever), but then I was able to sleep normally after taking it. No pains whatsoever. The next day, I woke up, no pains still. I went straight to the bathroom. sat in the toilet. Some blood clots came out. I THOUGHT IT WORKED.

After that, I really thought my nightmare was done. I was okay again (not okay but better), but few weeks later, I always feel bloated and I am feeling something weird in my lower abdomen. Its not pain, the feeling is really weird. So I went to a clinic to have an ultrasound again and to my horror, IT'S STILL THERE.

 I was stunned when I saw my child. I didn't want to believe my eyes. It's like asking are  you sure?? Even though its right in front of my face. I cannot believe it's still there.

It was really painful to see it still there. After what I did, it is so eager to live. It hurts me so much to think that I have tried killing my child and will have to try to do it again. I held back my tears as I leave the clinic.

That day was bizarre. I cried an ocean. My conscience is killing me but I can't keep it. I can't keep my child but I don't want to kill it anymore. The pain and stress is too great.

Now I have to make another solution. I texted the seller of the fake pill. I told him it didn't work. He offered a discounted "higher dose" of pills. I don't think it's gonna work either. I am now looking to surgical abortion.

I browsed about surgical abortion. I found this thread about "Fredli's group," they claimed they are doctors who performs surgical abortion. Looks promising but i'm really scared. I know this is a very sensitive surgery and can be fatal if performed by non-professionals. I emailed them to know the price. 20k atleast.

LUCKILY, I have a friend who helped me find a solution. He introduced me to a Non-governmental Organization which helps girls like me. I talked to them and told them my situation. They kinda refrain helping me at first because they said they refuse pregnancies more than 12 weeks. But in the end, the agreed to helped me.

They scheduled me for a surgical abortion. So I went there. The place was nice. It doesn't look hell. They were nice to me and they were professionals. They gave me pain relievers before the surgery.

IT WAS PAINFUL. Not purely pain, there is this unknown weird feeling along. It was painful but it is nothing compared to what my child has experienced. I deserved that pain.

After that, they were not totally satisfied with what they got so they gave me an abortion pill which I should take at home. This is to ensure that everything will  be flushed out.

They scheduled me for a follow-up check up few weeks after that. During the check-up, they made me take preg test and... NEGATIVE. They also gave me contraceptive shot good for 3 months.

ALL OF THAT FOR ONLY 7K. They want to help, not to earn.

That sums up the worst moment of my life.

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To my angel, 

I'm sorry I have to do this. You know I love you. God knows how hard it is for me to do this. I hope you come back the right time. God will take care of you now. Mama and Papa love you forever.

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I WROTE THIS TO WARN YOU, YOU ARE LOST IN THE MOMENT LIKE ME DURING THAT TIME.
YOU ARE VULNERABLE RIGHT NOW.
 DON'T WASTE YOUR MONEY ON FAKE PILLS ON THE INTERNET.

ABORTION IS A DECISION YOU WILL CARRY IN YOUR HEART FOREVER.
A SIN THAT WILL SCAR YOUR SOUL. 

IF YOU CAN, KEEP YOUR CHILD. 

NO AMOUNT OF MONEY, SHAME OR DIGNITY 

WILL AMOUNT TO YOUR CHILD'S LIFE.